At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
