he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
