I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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