i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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