I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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