she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize