Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
