At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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