Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
