just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
