Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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