You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
