Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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