this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize