btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize