Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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