i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
