you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize