I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
