I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
