i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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