When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
