Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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