just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
