Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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