Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
