I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
