i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
