so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
