If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
