My room smells like vodka and shame
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
