you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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