I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
