this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Houston, we have a blender
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
