she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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