Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
