Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
