Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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