I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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