Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize