We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
