I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
