Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
