i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
