Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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