just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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