On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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