I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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