My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
