I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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