U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
