I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
sex in a hospital.. check
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
