Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize