Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
