i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
