why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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