Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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