U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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