i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
