Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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