I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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