I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
