remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
