Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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