I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
