ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
