Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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