roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
