There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
