hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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