i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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