It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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