You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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