Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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