Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
