Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
