Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Even my vagina gasped.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
