i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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