I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
