All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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