i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
