My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
