I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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