i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
