Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I could make wine with my vomit
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
