he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
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