Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
