before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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