dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize
