for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
