on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
worst night to have a conscience
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
