I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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