I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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